We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
