Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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