I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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