i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
