Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
