and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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