Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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