I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
