I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
