she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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