it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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