Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
