dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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