I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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