Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
