wanna go halves on a baby?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
