We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
