got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
