Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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