i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
how does that bad decision feel?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
