My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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