That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
