I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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