omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
