and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
