Your tits are I can't wait for
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
