I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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