Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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