listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
