omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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