You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
