Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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