mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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