The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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