You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I had to cum in my sink.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
