I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
