I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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