it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
