I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
