Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
