Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
