He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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