forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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