I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
