Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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