he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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