hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
