so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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