Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
