i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
