I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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