So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
