I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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