yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
