Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
