i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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