I like my sex mixed with concussions.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
