Betty ford says i'm here all night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize