I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
