I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
