We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How external is "for external use only"?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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