so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
