i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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