Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
