Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
