careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
