The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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