We won't sleep together?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
