My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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