remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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